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McDaniel’s: The McPilot
By Nathan Weaver
By Nathan Weaver
[Pilot for sitcom]
EXT. MCDANIELS, MORNING. CUT.
INT. MCDDANIELS, THE OFFICE; MOMENTS LATER. MICKEY is doing some work, TURK comes in with BRANDY. TURK is dressed in uniform, dyed-blonde hair under hat and rough facial hair. BRANDY is black pants and a long-sleeve shirt.
TURK
Mickey, the newbie is here.
MICKEY
Hey, Brandy. Welcome to McDaniel’s, you are now officially an employee. Oh, here… (grabs a dirty, old uniform polo and toss it to her) put this on.
BRANDY
But it’s old and dirty and it smells… and it’s hard.
MICKEY
I know, that’s the grease. Walk this way.
Mickey, the newbie is here.
MICKEY
Hey, Brandy. Welcome to McDaniel’s, you are now officially an employee. Oh, here… (grabs a dirty, old uniform polo and toss it to her) put this on.
BRANDY
But it’s old and dirty and it smells… and it’s hard.
MICKEY
I know, that’s the grease. Walk this way.
MICKEY exits office; BRANDY smells the shirt one more time and then follows after MICKEY. CUT.
INT. KITCHEN; moments later. We now are following them through the kitchen with handheld camera work. MICKEY is giving BRANDY the ropes. During this BRANDY is having a hard time keeping up and is also trying to put the polo shirt on over her long-sleeve shirt and keep up at the same time.
MICKEY
This is the kitchen. You’re a waitress, so technically you should never need to be in here much, but you will be. As a team, sometimes we ask you to do things to help out with others (points to FLICK); that’s Flick, he’s a cook.
FLICK
Hey, I’m Flick.
BRANDY
I’m Brandy.
She stops to shake FLICK’S hand, but he turns away to work and MICKEY continues walking so she runs to catch-up as she finished pulling her shirt on. They are at the front counter now.This is the kitchen. You’re a waitress, so technically you should never need to be in here much, but you will be. As a team, sometimes we ask you to do things to help out with others (points to FLICK); that’s Flick, he’s a cook.
FLICK
Hey, I’m Flick.
BRANDY
I’m Brandy.
MICKEY
This is the front counter, obviously. You will learn to use this particular register today. If there is money missing from the drawer at the end of your shift, you will be held accountable and the money will be taken out of your paycheck. This is your register for the day; guard it with your life. No one else can use it but you.
BRANDY
So, why—
MICKEY
This way please.
They walk over to the WAIT STATION.This is the front counter, obviously. You will learn to use this particular register today. If there is money missing from the drawer at the end of your shift, you will be held accountable and the money will be taken out of your paycheck. This is your register for the day; guard it with your life. No one else can use it but you.
BRANDY
So, why—
MICKEY
This way please.
MICKEY
This is the wait station. When you aren’t out there in the lobby, you’re back here getting refills, washing cups, sorting silverware and putting it in napkins or making ice tea. When you aren’t here, you’re at your register. When you aren’t there, you’re in the freezer refilling stuff for the salad bar. When you’re in none of these places, you’re presumed missing. If you want to take a dump or pee, you will report to someone before you do so or we will run around with our heads cut off looking for you until you get out. And then, we’ll be annoyed that we didn’t know where you were. Natalie should be here shortly, she’ll fill you in on the rest. Questions?
BRANDY
Yeah.
MICKEY
Well?
BRANDY
Why do you call the cook Flick?
MICKEY
That’s his name.
BRANDY
Oh…
MICKEY
Any more questions?
BRANDY
Not yet.
MICKEY
Good.
This is the wait station. When you aren’t out there in the lobby, you’re back here getting refills, washing cups, sorting silverware and putting it in napkins or making ice tea. When you aren’t here, you’re at your register. When you aren’t there, you’re in the freezer refilling stuff for the salad bar. When you’re in none of these places, you’re presumed missing. If you want to take a dump or pee, you will report to someone before you do so or we will run around with our heads cut off looking for you until you get out. And then, we’ll be annoyed that we didn’t know where you were. Natalie should be here shortly, she’ll fill you in on the rest. Questions?
BRANDY
Yeah.
MICKEY
Well?
BRANDY
Why do you call the cook Flick?
MICKEY
That’s his name.
BRANDY
Oh…
MICKEY
Any more questions?
BRANDY
Not yet.
MICKEY
Good.
NATALIE enters the restaurant.
NATALIE
I need a new roommie! I totally just kicked my roommate out onto the street.
BRANDY
Oh, I’m looking for a place. I’d be interested.
NATALIE
Alright, you’re my new roomie—oh, hey, do I know you?
BRANDY
No, I’m new. I’m Brandy.
NATALIE
Sure, you’re hired. (shakes BRANDY’S hand) I’m Natalie and you’re my new roommie. I’ll take you by the abode after the shift. Have you ever worked in fast food?
BRANDY
No.
NATALIE
Oh, well, the gods will be pleased. (smells the shirt) Dude, that shirt reeks.
END SCENE.I need a new roommie! I totally just kicked my roommate out onto the street.
BRANDY
Oh, I’m looking for a place. I’d be interested.
NATALIE
Alright, you’re my new roomie—oh, hey, do I know you?
BRANDY
No, I’m new. I’m Brandy.
NATALIE
Sure, you’re hired. (shakes BRANDY’S hand) I’m Natalie and you’re my new roommie. I’ll take you by the abode after the shift. Have you ever worked in fast food?
BRANDY
No.
NATALIE
Oh, well, the gods will be pleased. (smells the shirt) Dude, that shirt reeks.
OPENING CREDITS.
EXT. NATALIE/BRANDY HOME; AFTERNOON. Two cars pull up. CUT.
INT. NATALIE/BRANDY HOME; MOMENTS LATER. NATALIE walks in with BRANDY following. They are still in uniform.
NATALIE
Well, this is the pad.
BRANDY
Nice. I like it. And it’s a two bedroom, you said?
NATALIE
Yep, and all you have to do is share half the load.
They enter the kitchen.
NATALIE
So, this is the kitchen, pretty standard obviously.
BRANDY
What went wrong with your previous roommate?
NATALIE
She was a vampire.
BRANDY
(laughs) Like one of those wannabes?
NATALIE
Nope, like the real thing.
BRANDY
What are you trying to say?
NATALIE
All I have to say is you don’t have to worry; so long as you aren’t an undead or immortal we should get along just fine.
NATALIE sees a wooden stake sitting in the sink and picks it up.So, this is the kitchen, pretty standard obviously.
BRANDY
What went wrong with your previous roommate?
NATALIE
She was a vampire.
BRANDY
(laughs) Like one of those wannabes?
NATALIE
Nope, like the real thing.
BRANDY
What are you trying to say?
NATALIE
All I have to say is you don’t have to worry; so long as you aren’t an undead or immortal we should get along just fine.
NATALIE
Oops, sorry, I can’t believe I left that just sitting out. (she puts it in a drawer) So, on to the rest of the house?
Oops, sorry, I can’t believe I left that just sitting out. (she puts it in a drawer) So, on to the rest of the house?
They walk back into the living room. NATALIE notices something out the window.
NATALIE
Oh, great. New neighbors. I was hoping that house would remain empty for as long as possible.
Oh, great. New neighbors. I was hoping that house would remain empty for as long as possible.
NATALIE looks out the window. BRANDY joins her.
BRANDY
Oh, sweet, new neighbors. We gotta go greet them.
NATALIE
No, Brandy. If you make the first move, it means you’re obligated to them.
BRANDY
No it doesn’t.
NATALIE
Oh, yes it does.
BRANDY
Besides, I don’t wanna be a recluse.
NATALIE
It’s not about being a recluse; it’s about being left alone. It’s about not being annoyed every time you come home.
BRANDY
Natalie, it is our civic duty to greet the new neighbors. You know, to be neighborly.
NATALIE
That whole civic duty thing went out with the window with the 50s and bobbysoxers.
BRANDY
We are not going to be the weird people on the block.
NATALIE
Somehow I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that. If you really want to, I’ll let you make this mistake, but I will never let you live it down.
BRANDY
Alright, good. Do you have any fruit?
NATALIE
Yes, why?
BRANDY
It’s customary to give a fruit basket.
NATALIE
Great, now we’re giving them free food? This really can’t end well.
Oh, sweet, new neighbors. We gotta go greet them.
NATALIE
No, Brandy. If you make the first move, it means you’re obligated to them.
BRANDY
No it doesn’t.
NATALIE
Oh, yes it does.
BRANDY
Besides, I don’t wanna be a recluse.
NATALIE
It’s not about being a recluse; it’s about being left alone. It’s about not being annoyed every time you come home.
BRANDY
Natalie, it is our civic duty to greet the new neighbors. You know, to be neighborly.
NATALIE
That whole civic duty thing went out with the window with the 50s and bobbysoxers.
BRANDY
We are not going to be the weird people on the block.
NATALIE
Somehow I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that. If you really want to, I’ll let you make this mistake, but I will never let you live it down.
BRANDY
Alright, good. Do you have any fruit?
NATALIE
Yes, why?
BRANDY
It’s customary to give a fruit basket.
NATALIE
Great, now we’re giving them free food? This really can’t end well.
CUT to DOOR. DOOR opens and we see NATALIE and BRANDY standing on the porch. NATALIE does not look amused; BRANDY has on her best neighborly face.
BRANDY
Hello, new neighbor! Welcome to the neighborhood! (holds out a Tupperware thing of fruit) Here’s a basket—Tupperware of fruit.
MIDDLE-AGED LADY
(hillbilly, overbearing) Well, hello, neighbors! Thanks for the fruits!
(hillbilly, overbearing) Well, hello, neighbors! Thanks for the fruits!
MIDDLE-AGED LADY takes fruit.
MIDDLE-AGED LADY
Why don’t you all come on over Wednesday night? We’ll have a service here in the basement.
BRANDY
Oh, really? A service? Like church and all that?
MIDDLE-AGED LADY
Sorta; we worship the Devil.
Why don’t you all come on over Wednesday night? We’ll have a service here in the basement.
BRANDY
Oh, really? A service? Like church and all that?
MIDDLE-AGED LADY
Sorta; we worship the Devil.
BRANDY’S smile fades to shock.
MIDDLE-AGED LADY
You know, Satan? Lucifer? Heard of him?
You know, Satan? Lucifer? Heard of him?
AWKWARD PAUSE. CUT.
INT. NATALIE/BRANDY HOME, MOMENTS LATER. BRANDY bursts through the door entering the living room. NATALIE follows behind her.
BRANDY
No, no, NO! I will not go to some Satanic ritual. I’m not doing it!
NATALIE
(shutting the door) But, you put your first foot forward; now we’re obligated.
BRANDY
I’m not obligated to do jack.
NATALIE
This is exactly what I was warning you against. You put your foot forward and they think we’re friends. If we don’t go to this gig—
BRANDY
Gig?! It’s not a gig. It’s devil worship!
NATALIE
Yes, yes… but if we don’t go, then it will always be awkward when we come home. We can never relax.
BRANDY
If I go to that, I’ll never sleep at night.
NATALIE
Besides, if they wanna worship a devil, that’s their right, right?
BRANDY
We’re not talking about rights of freedom; we’re talking about satanic rites! There’s a big difference.
NATALIE
Do you really wanna tick off a bunch of hillbilly, devil worshipers?
BRANDY
(reluctantly) No…
NATALIE
Then, we’ll go the gig—
BRANDY
Devil worship! Don’t downplay it.
NATALIE
Devil worship; we’ll go the devil worship once and then make up excuses for the rest of them. Sound fair?
BRANDY
I guess.
No, no, NO! I will not go to some Satanic ritual. I’m not doing it!
NATALIE
(shutting the door) But, you put your first foot forward; now we’re obligated.
BRANDY
I’m not obligated to do jack.
NATALIE
This is exactly what I was warning you against. You put your foot forward and they think we’re friends. If we don’t go to this gig—
BRANDY
Gig?! It’s not a gig. It’s devil worship!
NATALIE
Yes, yes… but if we don’t go, then it will always be awkward when we come home. We can never relax.
BRANDY
If I go to that, I’ll never sleep at night.
NATALIE
Besides, if they wanna worship a devil, that’s their right, right?
BRANDY
We’re not talking about rights of freedom; we’re talking about satanic rites! There’s a big difference.
NATALIE
Do you really wanna tick off a bunch of hillbilly, devil worshipers?
BRANDY
(reluctantly) No…
NATALIE
Then, we’ll go the gig—
BRANDY
Devil worship! Don’t downplay it.
NATALIE
Devil worship; we’ll go the devil worship once and then make up excuses for the rest of them. Sound fair?
BRANDY
I guess.
PAUSE.
BRANDY
But I really don’t wanna worship the devil.
NATALIE
We’re not worshipping, we’re just—observing.
BRANDY
Great, so now we’re devil observers?!
NATALIE
You know what I mean. We’re just there to watch and then we’re gone. And that’s it. No more.
BRANDY
This is stupid. Why can’t we just kill them like you did your last roommate?
NATALIE
What?
BRANDY
The wooden stake, the vampire? I’m not stupid.
NATALIE
Hey, what happens in this house stays in this house—or, 6 feet under it.
BRANDY
Eew, really?
NATALIE
Well, what else was I suppose to do with it?
BRANDY
I guess.
NATALIE
And no, we can’t kill the neighbors. They’re human, my roommate wasn’t.
BRANDY
How do you sleep at night?
NATALIE
On my back, grasping a clove of garlic and crucifix under my blanket. You?
BRANDY
On my side, gripping a pistol under my pillow.
NATALIE
So, is it safe to say you’re on human duty and I’m on non-human duty?
BRANDY
Sounds fair. I get any snooping devil worshipers—
NATALIE
And I get any spirits they may conjure up.
BRANDY
Right on.
NATALIE
Perfection. Welcome home.
BRANDY
I guess so. Cool.
But I really don’t wanna worship the devil.
NATALIE
We’re not worshipping, we’re just—observing.
BRANDY
Great, so now we’re devil observers?!
NATALIE
You know what I mean. We’re just there to watch and then we’re gone. And that’s it. No more.
BRANDY
This is stupid. Why can’t we just kill them like you did your last roommate?
NATALIE
What?
BRANDY
The wooden stake, the vampire? I’m not stupid.
NATALIE
Hey, what happens in this house stays in this house—or, 6 feet under it.
BRANDY
Eew, really?
NATALIE
Well, what else was I suppose to do with it?
BRANDY
I guess.
NATALIE
And no, we can’t kill the neighbors. They’re human, my roommate wasn’t.
BRANDY
How do you sleep at night?
NATALIE
On my back, grasping a clove of garlic and crucifix under my blanket. You?
BRANDY
On my side, gripping a pistol under my pillow.
NATALIE
So, is it safe to say you’re on human duty and I’m on non-human duty?
BRANDY
Sounds fair. I get any snooping devil worshipers—
NATALIE
And I get any spirits they may conjure up.
BRANDY
Right on.
NATALIE
Perfection. Welcome home.
BRANDY
I guess so. Cool.
CUT.
Last edited by OnyxDragon on Tue Dec 23, 2008 5:58 pm; edited 1 time in total
